That ended in ke getting my wages garnished to ensure successful payments of the spousal support. That can be perceived by many women as aggressive and frightening. This is my site – I fund it and run it in my time and I chose how and when I comment. Like you, I would certainly personally settle for a system that didn’t actually make things worse. I don’t deny gender bias is real. It happened to me. The police referred the incident to LA services The non-resident parents face a fait-accomplish which is bound to affect judgments. The judge was quite scathing of cafcass during the case. Any ideas how standards can be improved ? Any way one slices it, when parents have to go to court to resolve disputes around their children, something has gone severely wrong and both the mother and the father – regardless of how they believe (rightly or wrongly) themselves to be in the right and the other to be in the wrong – should be aware of this fact. I’ve just found your article which I found interesting. In a private law tug-of-love case, when parents are flinging allegations about based on such vastly different outlooks ,it is stupid to expect any family court to make decisions on such evidence.Only factual evidence should be examined as in non-contested divorces. It is their task to make it available . It makes gathering accurate metrics and statistics hard. “I do not regard a governmental policy of enforced austerity or enforced lack of resources as a pressing social need which justifies ignoring the convention.”. There is of a lack of awareness of domestic abuse , both in the wider society and in state departments who supposedly protect children. Therefore we should listen carefully to what men have to say. Humanity is the key. If this was law, it would deter men from abandoning a mum and then thinking he can take the children too. Having a Twitter spat can be entertaining for a brief moment but its utterly futile if all it achieves is people shouting at one another across the electronic abyss. Website Privacy Policy & Terms of Use. My friend lives in his car, she lives in the house he paid for (which one can argue makes sense because she has sole custody). If it is alleged that a man is violent towards his wife but there are no police reports supporting that, or medical evidence, and the wife says it doesn’t happen – then challenge that account. What can be done about it? We will investigate’. DATA. There seems to be a lot of anecdotal evidence, particularly with the rise of the internet and social media. Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form” A lot of men are indifferent because they don’t see themselves ever being in this situation until they are. I have made this gender neutral so This does not sway anyone’s thought process in any responses that may follow: A and B have been in a relationship for one year and the relationship breaks down. They have published 12 working papers that bring together all the latest research on child brain development and what actions promote and harm this development. He can not see his children and at the same time he is expected to pay generous sums of child support. He does a lot of good work in educating teachers on the best ways of working with children who are victims of early caregiver abuse. I think in particular this idea that ‘real men’ don’t cry or talk about their feelings. I imagine he is really pleased about that No doubt he has mentioned it in his books – how to recover from being raised as a Wolf or something along those lines, I imagine Bruce Duncan Perry and the rest of ‘the scanners’ are doing very good pro-bono work at the moment helping refugees fleeing from war, in the States? See If you want to help the children remove the comment or apologies for being hurt at the time and move in from the polar extreme. You also need to remember the generous divorce settlement packages that women almost always seem to get. Most of history women were pledged to honour and serve their husbands. In the Family Court, the barristers have other duties than making protests on the behalf of clients and compromise on fairness . In this day and age and historically , most men are able to control themselves. It is sobering to reflect that my life and possibly that of my son may have been ruined by my brief marriage. It is not a ‘generalisation’ that women are more often the primary carers of small children. Angelo, please don’t be disingenuous. Yet the cycle must be broken sometime by someone. Sarah, regarding the law, did you read about Lord Mumby’s warning about the neglect of a child, ‘blood on our hands’ etc. as I keep repeating – I hear men often saying that the courts are biased against men and hate them. I can not speak on the behalf of mothers because even though I am one, I have never been too family court in that capacity. Or sometimes when Dad has smacked a naughty child now and again and on one occasion caused a bruise. ———, “Grief fills the room up of my absent child, but there are very able and committed male practitioners. Sarah, Are you delaying everyone’s comments or just mine? I find this reply quite odd for a Barrister. Problem is that no lawyer will open up and admit it (despite my repeated comments about it). There do not seem to be many instances where that behaviour is punished and reported on. Same with the educationalists and social workers, one minute they are castigating working mums for leaving children too early and the next for not sending them to nursery. I understand the pain of abandonment however a hostile and toxic ex partner will frustrate all contact with the children and go the extreme of false allegations to destroy ones relationships or indeed their whole life. They helped x move out of state. I would be delighted for you to quote or use the post. One assumes that funding has now been switched from the La owned or privately owned placement to a real therapeutic placement in her real interests. They need stability, security and routine. The courts are extreme sexist towards men in very damaging and dangerous ways. Whenever I have asked for SHARED custody, I have been told that “children belong with the mother”. Sonia Sodha. Readers with there eyes wide open will now see that I am right. Why? court buildings are poorly designed and don’t help parents talk to one another at court or feel comfortable in the court room; tensions remain high, The government has removed legal aid from private law cases and created a situation where mothers are encouraged to make allegations of violence against fathers to secure funding. My comment is based upon the reading of essays and opinions written by philosophers who evaluated the problem of male violence against their wives/partners over 2000 years ago. I do appreciate your time and honesty. I advise women to recognise his triggers and steer clear of them like one does with the autistic. Then the biggest mistake a woman makes is to let it go; violence should be reported at least to the family elders and both sets of brothers and sisters if not the Police or there is a chance it will get worse. Our children’s problems are more mundane sadly. However it’s a dangerous one since if even educated conservatives like me have lost faith in, and respect for, the courts and the law, one wonders what the wider impact  is. To long to read: Short answer yes? Social Services procedures that all allegations and concerns must be subjected to thorough, impartial enquiries to discover whether they have any credibility before a man’s freedoms are interfered with. Lets try to move beyond that rather than to focus on picking the most extreme or forceful comments to illustrate the poverty of the other side of the argument. You consistently insult parents when you suggest some parents treat them as mere chattels. During my marriage I was never abusive towards my ex wife or family and yet during the divorce proceedings I was wrongly accused of emotional abuse and domestic violence. It is great to see your opinions. The tone and manner of your comments was unnecessary. The time you give is admirable to what I have found most dissmiss as trivial especially in the big bad room. Inspired by The Jungle – Upton Sinclair, but my target is the justice system and its unfair treatment of immigrants and the unwealthy. 10 men to every women commits suicide during divorce. No that is not what i am saying. But if you merely see your blog as soap box to lecture others who are not permitted to disagree with you then that’s hardly a suitable platform for debate and not one I’m particularly interested in engaging with. For example, a man will treat his wife with kid-gloves most of the time and even if she bashes him , he will recognise that his faults and actions may have contributed , set her off or ‘triggered ‘ her behaviour. Sadly, selfishness and stupidity are common place to both men and women. My daughter asks me all the time where her mommy went and i tell her that she loves her very much and would do anything for her but she had to leave to do some very important things. A bias exists when it comes to that and the fact that women predominate in the CP system and the fact that those men in the CP system are often namby-pamby, politically-correct nerds following the general departmental lead means that men are at a big disadvantage in the family court. It should be remembered that family courts must rely on facts. I agree that judges and other workers are unlikely to consciously decide to show bias when they go to work on Monday morning but the results are the same.m as if they did. Hard to say without statistics. There are a few things in the above post that I agree with or would enjoy discussing further, but I’ve just had a puncture on the car and I have to change the tyre before leaving the office. Get real!i If she is permanently worried and nagging him about money shortages and hardship, he will be even worse. The resident parent turns up.. smiles and agrees to everything and walk’s out. One does try to be impartial and most parents I have read on this resource have genuine empathy with SW’s. I have certainly never before had anything like that level of response for any other issue I’ve engaged with on social media, proof that passions run very high indeed. No, the justice system by its very nature is intended to be free of discrimination and be entirely contingent on the simple unbiased facts of the case. I arranged childcare, school runs, packed lunches, etc. I personally lost my temper with my ex twice, which I can only admit to it being a form of abuse. So I suppose what I am saying is that you and I have had very different experiences. If you really have any conscience about protecting children, then put some effort into reading up about the true consequences of our modern society’s values especially the gender stereotyping. thank you for your kind words. So what is your point Kirt? I was close to my family, paid my taxes and I believed in law and order. This is because they use what are called heuristics. http://www.gov.scot/Resource/0051/00515142.pdf. We have men at the school gates. Here are my suggestions for some solutions. You state that ” the issue of fathers who walk away is every bit as painful and difficult as the issue of the mothers who deliberately sabotage a loving father’s relationship with a child” I am not sure if I regard private law cases as ‘serious’ because they don’t usually call for the liquidation of families. No men would promote such views for believing men. With regard to your Twitter comment that I didn’t answer – sorry I suspect it got lost in the deluge. I also had to arrange and pay for all transportation for the children to visit her during her parenting time. The proceedings systematically reduced me from being a parent to being a weekend visitor, with no more meaningful contact with my child than a favourite uncle. Two days later – a Friday afternoon, late on, B receives an ex parte Non Molestation order and an Application for occupation order in favour of A together with a statement of lies and untruths, deceit and outrageous claims of DV by B on A. One of the issues I have is the lack of early intervention which would be ‘invest to save’ as they say. An unconnected example of changing opinion : Look at the drink-driving law. His ex wife got wind of this and the court ordered an audit the result of which was his child support payments got increased. Angelo. I believe, that in most situations a baby or young child will naturally want to be next to Mum. Has masculinity become a dirty word? Sarah,in many cases the respondent’s barrister DOES protest . He didn’t get a say in the matter, was kept in a separate room until they were gone, treated like he was the aggressor. Children clearly count for very little in our current world . Therefore on this EARTH it is the job of lawyers to put it right ! Nor I am able to understand why you appear to advocate using people’s posts on social media as ‘data’ to inform anything much other than their perceptions. Perhaps it had no bearing on the decision .Unless he or she took the time necessary to explain findings to you, you will never know and you are likely to be dissatisfied for life. this is highlighted in cases where there are allegations of DV, child abuse etc.. I would also suggest you read ‘The Developmental Consequences of Child Emotional Abuse: A Neurodevelopmental Perspective’ by Tuppert Yates of the University of California. Because sometimes things come up. Nothing to do with cycles of deprivation or anything else. I am required to pay fees if I wish to waste further time, money and effort on court proceeding to see the child, and am required to pay collection fees to the child maintenance service (that they refuse to waive even upon application). We should all examine universal facts. The issue of real or perceived bias sparked some interesting debate at the conference and later, via Twitter. So for the sake of the public, we must urgently get to the bottom of that debate – especially as regards equality legislation and its application. However, I must agree with Helen that with some individuals it is not possible. Everyone is biased. Why has a District Judge made such an order on a one sided ‘story’? ), (It must be noted that A has had three previous relationships that have broken down acrimoniously). I used to think that the family court system was basically fair. Not only is there a growing men’s movement all around the world because of the treatment of fathers in family courts, but it is the children who suffer because the love, talents and parenting skills of millions of fathers is being denied to children because of the false belief that mothers make better parents. But I hope I am a ‘good enough’ parent now. The process of family law is biased—against the family itself. If I did, there would be little point in this discussion. If men and women are being treated differently by prosecutors and judges, what should be done about it? If you are or happen to know a Practicing Buddhist or a Quaker, please forward this to them so that their Meetinghouse or Sangha may consider cooperation on this good work. This article is more than 9 months old. “Could I win the LA case for it?” If the answer is .”Yes” then they just advise their client to lie down and give up. There is NOTHING LAWYERS CAN DO to force politicians to spend money. Thank you for your thoughts in this discussion. Outside the Court arena, in the home setting,i agree with the post author that many men do not appreciate how frightening they can be to women ( and children, i will add) when they are angry. It is impossible to keep anyone 100% safe and there will always be risk involved. I have had problems with schools refusing to recognise me as ‘next of kin’ of my son, for example. I suppose someone will be saying I am in collusion with John Hemming, Ian thingummyjig and their cronies. d) when removal is ordered ,the case to be transferred to a higher court for a decision by a jury ( not a professional panel) You are right in that the polar views (extremes) of many are not helping and this is PUTTING THE CHILDREN at risk. By all means raise this me, in constructive comment. And If I did, I would expect them to kick me out. What is going on here? Interference with visitation and blocking of access has certainly been my personal experience. The simple and short answer is yes, there is a perceived bias against fathers but i do not feel it is a bias held only by the courts, It extends far beyond that and I hope to be able to go someway to proving that to you albeit with anecdotal evidence. Have no respect for the family court system. Not all women are bad, not all men are bad. “How Are Family Law Judges Chosen In California?” For most people, family law procedure can be confusing. It has only been made possible because we can now view brain functioning dynamically and correlate this wih behavior and development. Dear Lisa – thank you for your thoughtful comment, which is much appreciated. Recent pediatric brain research does support Bowby’s and subsequent researcher findings about the nature and consequences of insecure attachment. If you want to waste your time in passive aggressive sneering, that’s up to you. However, the court protocol, legal panel and guardians are the same.I am just giving you my experiences and I agree with you. They have been coming up for years and professionals continually turn a blind eye to systemic flaws. “I don't think family law judges are any more biased than judges in other areas of the law. B then moves out of the home as A wants to be back. The double standard comes if a stay at home dad tried to pull the same nonsense he would rightly be lambasted and rebuked. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. We are all guilty of unwittingly stereotyping, including the professionals that ought not to. I was not a ‘natural’ mother and I didn’t find babies particularly engaging. Your post gives the other side of that coin; I would like to write something and refer to it, probably by quoting in full. I recognize that the court has a responsibility to protect the interest of the child. Whilst I am on the topic of taking responsibility for our (both genders) actions. however if a father claims abuse against him or the children the same is not said in reverse. In real life, they target the poor and vulnerable because the rich and educated not only know their rights but have the wherewithal financially to defend themselves. If there is no bias in fact there is certainly a perception from many that bias exists. The Social Worker tells me my child has been hurt? In desperation I have set up a website so that he may find me if he hopefully searches on the Internet one day. A was in fact, the ex partner. If the woman decideds to claim domesic violence then the man is automatically assumed to be guilty. the more we dance around these kind of people to keep them sweet, the further and further away we go from any resolution to this problem. Neither is true. B had apparently had more fair share of abuse and decided to walk away seemingly acknowledged as the best thing for both parties. Dear Grayham – I am sorry to hear this. laughing all the way.. formula to screw your life over. While we have this ridiculous attitude that violent men must be appeased and contained, we will continue to have problems. Walk down any street in any town now and you will see men pushing a push chair or pram down the street. To date though I have not had a response to any of my requests for information & at this time have no safe way to return to the home. But it does suggest to me that ‘corruption’ is not widespread or I also would have seen it over 20 years. That may suffice in a civil court which has a limit set on the seriousness of decisions it takes and which has limits put on the sanctions it is able to impose. Sarah, bearing in mind your post on taking photographs of children, Is there a law against bias nowadays, perhaps? To join our recall efforts and/or to suggest someone to oppose them in their upcoming elections, please visit LARecalls.com. The key point seems to be that as soon as a person states, quotes, uses DV , (statistics do state that since the change of law regarding legal Aid, there has been an unprecedented spike in applications. You might think that this does not affect you, but one day it might. But I am sure to many fathers this simply looks like appeasement. This approach is costly and time consuming but it can determine more likely who is biased … Evidently some men are unhappy at the way their partners are treating a child so we must consider it. At least, that’s what Prof. Sonja Starr’s research on federal criminal cases suggests. I have seen a lot of similar situations, all that differs among them is the details. The men that hide behind the women in this system are punks that just do what they want. Interesting discussion, to which I can only add that the sexual revolution and the ensuing ease of access to divorce and normalization of out-of-wedlock parenthood have upended among many other things what seemed previously to be fairly well-delineated boundaries about a man’s sphere and a woman’s sphere. Often the woman has been the main carer, a stay at home mum, cos that’s woman’s work innit. life imprisonment or if the judge orders family liquidation and forced adoption for his children then there should be an automatic right to appeal. You can’t eliminate bias. For e.g. At the year’s Opening of the Courts, he states that for the Ontario Superior Court alone 12 Family Court judges must be added to fulfill its obligations and to maintain its standards of excellence. There may be statistics somewhere to prove I am wrong ; if so I apologise but I am not a professional reader of statistics. This also permeated through nursery,school, health professionals and societal perception as a whole. The breast-feeding discussion is valid of course, but what about for children beyond breast-feeding age? Ok then, explain to me how every single day I can read in UK newspapers or in online postings, complaints by women that the family courts didn’t believe them and chose their violent ex to parent their children? This clearly betrays the fact that you do not understand, possibly you may not wish to. Unsurprisingly Angelo, I don’t consider condemning violent people as having ‘low standards’ “The court is really telling people in the administration of justice, particularly trial judges, that we have to protect and preserve and assure the public that the principles at the core of the system are being maintained and promoted.” Counsel for Budd declined to comment. Glad you are interested. Although bias is rarely actually found to be established, concerns over bias are taken very seriously because the impartiality of the judiciary is a fundamental component of our judicial system. And what I see is Father’s rights groups attacking Mothers in a battle of wills. The courts showed zero interest in my ability to support myself post divorce or the fact that I was almost made homeless and often could not afford to eat. Men who do fight for them in court are very likely to be good fathers. In cases of d.v. Which is why I will continue to assert that the true ‘answer’ here is to empower our children to love and nurture themselves, maintain their self esteem and only enter into relationships for the right reasons; not out of fear, or loneliness or apathy. Pingback: Address by McFarlane LJ to Families Need Fathers | Child Protection Resource. I don’t come home and shout at and belittle my family. I don’t think ‘masculinity’ is or should be a dirty word but I think elements of ‘masculinity’ which are now praised run a risk of being seriously harmful for the individual men and for society at large. In the meantime, Jerry. Hi Sarah. From my reading of this discussion so far, some men appear to think there is an element of bias against them in the system owing to the high preponderance of females in it and also because of the court’s tendency to ‘pander’ to Mums who are usually the ‘main’ carers. b) there be three judges hearing each case . What aggravates me and exasperates me about the whole debate is that many on both sides seem to wish to attribute one kind of characteristic exclusively the the group that shares or does not share their genitals. The LA’S apply for EPO’s unnecessarily by spreading it on thickly and practise all kinds of subterfuge.Once they have the order, courts are highly unlikely to send the children home or grant any contact application which isn’t supported by the carers. This is about people acting as rational agents in their own lives and taking responsibility for their own choices. If the woman has been the main carer ,likewise but if the woman goes out to work full time and the man has been the main carer then the Judge can make orders accordingly. This is a clear and keen concern for many; see for example the recent speech by McFarlane LJ. Not the LA,s because the children don’t come first, their finances do! Then we can draw attention to common malpractices and persuade them to pay more attention to procedures. So I feel that we are agreeing that outcomes are biased and that outcomes are determined by the family law system and of course by the parents’ behaviours. 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